E|-----------------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------2---2-2---|
G|--------------------------2--2---------2-|
D|-----------2--2-4-2-4-2-4--------2-------|
A|-4-2-4-2-4-------------------------------|
E|-----------------------------------------|

E|-----------------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------2---2-2-0-|
G|--------------------------2--2-----------|
D|-----------2--2-4-2-4-2-4--------2-------|
A|-4-2-4-2-4-------------------------------|
E|-----------------------------------------|

E|-----------------------------------------------------0-|
B|-2-0-2-0-2---0-2-0-2-0-2---0-2-0-2-0-2---0-2-0-2-0-2---|
G|-----------2-------------2-------------2---------------|
D|-------------------------------------------------------|
A|-------------------------------------------------------|
E|-------------------------------------------------------|

play the above twice
then play

E|-----------------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------2---2-2---|
G|--------------------------2--2---------2-|
D|-----------2--2-4-2-4-2-4--------2-------|
A|-4-2-4-2-4-------------------------------|
E|-----------------------------------------|

E|-----------------|
B|-------2---2-2---|
G|---------------2-|
D|-2-0-2---2-------|
A|-----------------|
E|-----------------|

play this last piece slower

E|-----------------|
B|-------2---2-2---|
G|---------------2-|
D|-2-0-2---2-------|
A|-----------------|
E|-----------------|

lyrics

ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the disclaimer
that's right the disclaimer
this american apple pie institution know as parental discretion
will cleanse any innuendo or sarcasm
from the lyrics that might actually make you think
and will also insult your intelligence at the same time
so protect your family
this album contains explicit depictions of things which are real
these real things are commonly known as life
so, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously
if it sounds dangerous, do not try this at home or at all
and if it offends you, just don't listen to it